When you’re single during this season, it can feel like the entire world has someone. You feel completely isolated. Some of you are maybe over it, some of you might be pretending to not feel this way, and some of you are straight up in mourning over being single. I have been every single one of these emotions during this time of year. Yes, I know I’m engaged and that it may seem like I have no idea what you’re feeling but, trust me, I have had my fair share of Valentine’s where I was single and it seemed like the rest of the world wasn’t. I’ve written on this subject a lot because I really feel like it can grip and captivate women my age like nothing else can. This season can bring loneliness to the surface and make us forget the importance of the people that are already in our lives.

The last Valentine’s Day before I started dating Jon was a doozy. Left and right, all of my friends were getting hooked up. All of my exes were dating someone and every guy friend I had was waltzing around with a new lady on their arms. It felt like it was me against the rest of the world. I was incredibly insecure and felt insanely depressed by the fact that I didn’t have a guy around. And here’s the thing… I was used to not having a guy around. I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 17, I had only had one serious boyfriend, and I had spent most of my teenage years more obsessed with movie stars than the boys that were around me. But once I had gone to college, I felt desperate. Nothing heightened it more than the pink and red hearts that were everywhere I went.

But here’s the thing: I actually had a bunch of great girlfriends who didn’t have a boyfriend either. I literally chose to ignore it and felt bad for myself. I had countless conversations with these amazing women about the empowerment of being single. Yet, I couldn’t help but want to cling to someone. I felt so insecure in my loneliness that I jumped back into a relationship that was super unhealthy for both of us. Little did I know that six months after that lonely Valentine’s, I would start dating my future husband. You guys… SIX MONTHS. That is it! I missed six months of building up myself rather than trying to build up someone else. I ignored spending time cultivating relationships with the women around me because I just wanted some extra male companionship.

Now I am not, by any means, telling you to just hold on and that your husband is coming. I am well aware of how lucky I was to find Jon when I was only 19. I am telling you to stop worrying because love happens when you least expect it. So why not spend the time you feel “alone” with your girlfriends and family who love for you and care for you already!? Spend some extra time with yourself and Jesus, because you can’t love anyone if you don’t already love yourself and understand how much Jesus loves you. I know that’s easier to sulk than it is to just be happy with the people you’re surrounded by. But as a girl who regrets the desperation I felt, take my advice.

This time we have is so precious. Don’t worry. You will get married. You will find happiness. The time you have being single is much shorter than the time you have in a relationship, so take every advantage of it. Grow your relationship with God deep. Spend some extra time with your family. Go out with your girls once a week (or more, if you can)! Trust me, you are less alone than you think. A man can’t change that, only your outlook can.

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