So, it’s been a minute. I’m sitting at my computer and still managing to struggle with what to say even though I haven’t written in a month and I’m super excited to get back at it. This year has been tough on everyone and I have not been exempt. I feel like now more than ever I need to be careful with what I say. That tension honestly made it hard to write. Will I offend someone? Will I hurt someone? Will a relationship break? The overwhelming noise and negativity we are all exposed to right now was just too much for me so I decided to step back. Listen more, talk less.
I decided to think about life like airplane safety instructions. Specifically, the one in which they request you put your oxygen mask on before you help others. This honestly never made much sense to me. “But what if the person next to me can’t breathe!?” I think I asked my mom or dad about it a few years back (embarrassing, I know) and they told me that you can’t help others as much as you could if you are not also helping yourself. So, I put my metaphorical oxygen mask on first. I’m still trying to navigate my own personal battles and it’s still a struggle to open my Bible instead of numbing my brain with Instagram noise before I go to bed (who is with me?). But I think I am finally starting to get the idea down and I simply wanted to share it with you all too.
Digital detoxing never seemed to be necessary for me. I don’t have negative comments on my photos or stories (typically) and everyone I follow is, for the most part, really positive. I never felt addicted to social media or that it was crippling me in any way. This summer has changed that big time. Speaking on racial justice was really (and still is) important to me and some people didn’t like it. Not just on my own stuff… but it seemed like no matter what you posted (wear a mask, masks are bad, etc.), someone had something mean to say right back at you. I was beyond over that level of negativity.
I didn’t completely get off social media, but I stopped scrolling, I stopped watching everyone’s stories, and I spent more time contemplating God’s voice over the opinion’s of others (again, still not perfect at it). I seriously have never felt more clear thinking than I have the past month. I could finally hear my own voice and God’s and it was like I woke up. It was scary to wake up and realize how I had been neglecting my relationship with Him and completely stopping all forms of spiritual self-care. When I calmed the noise of the masses, I was able to find stillness in Him.
I share all of this to tell you that if you are struggling right now, you are totally normal. If the hate is driving you nuts and making you feel hateful, I’ve been there. If the tiny fragments of anxiety or depression that existed before have been heightened, you are far from alone. It’s time that we all have a bit of a spiritual detox and walk away from the nit-picking and find shelter in the One who loves us as we are, who we were, and who we will become.
Although I am super excited for some fun fall content, devotionals, etc., I simply cannot write without closing out the rest and focusing on Him. I’m going to continue to block out the noise and find my Jesus and I strongly encourage you to do the same. This year is a marathon. We may have started out strong, we may have felt better in the summer, but right now it’s like we are 2/3 of the way there and struggling to catch our breath (because apparently, I know what it’s like to run a marathon). I hope my blog continues to be a space of encouragement, realness, and hope for you all just like writing it is for me. I’m putting on my oxygen mask so that I can help you put on yours. Until next week. x